SeptemberMorn:

Thanks for the good questions. I'll just respond off-the-cuff without looking up a formal definition and without consulting with an authority. OK?

First of all let me say that definitions are arbitrary, i.e. an author can simply state arbitrarily that he/she is going to define and use a term in a certain way. In ordinary speech, however, we use casual definitions, not precisely defined terms and , thus, each of us may have in mind a slightly different definition when we use a term.. That is no problem usually in ordinary conversation where generally understood terms can be used.

Of the four terms--empathy, sympathy, support and enabling--in my mind only empathy often has a precise definition in psychology and that is because empathy is a well defined concept and behavior used as a therapeutic technique in counseling/therapy. Actually,people who treat addictions probably have and use very precise definitions of enabling but I don't except it usually means to me that someone (friend, spouse, relative) reinforces or encourages the addict to indulge in his/her unwanted habit. This kind of problem, called co-dependency, is discussed in Chapter 8.

Empathy, as your hospital psychologist defined it, is a general casual term describing understanding and usually verbalizing the other person's feelings (depression in your situation). In addition I think of empathy as being much more complicated involving responding to the other person's verbal and physical reactions to your informed "guess" about how they are feeling. The process is likely to go on for an hour or much longer, or at least several minutes. That is why I refer people to my Chapter 13, page 8.to learn about empathy. Many therapists primarily give empathy responses for weeks or months or years. That may seem like a lazy, ineffective therapy but I can assure you that it takes skill and is a very revealing, probing, effective, respectful technique. And it can be done by anyone who is insightful and caring (if they will give the time--it is not a quick cure!)

I agree with your hosptial psychologist's characterization of sympathy as being emotionally sensitive to the depressed/upset person's feelings, often responding with the same strong feelings. The helper's emotional responses may not make them unable to help but it may be helpful in a different way (I love the story in Chapter 6 of the three-year-old neighbor girl who helped by crawling into the lap and crying with the next door neighbor who had just lost her 3-year-old son.

As I have mentioned, enabling is and can be used to mean helping another person to do something that is not for their own good, like drinking too much or over-spending. But one can "enable" a person to increase their income or go to college. In general, support means being helpful to a person by helping them achieve some desirable objectiive they want. It can be words of encouragement, bits of good advice, or just being there to help...

drclay