I say "noticed" because there were plenty of red flags, especially when I was a child. My parents thought I was just special and didn't have any unmet needs, when I don't think I could really communicate them. I never have been able to.

Throughout my childhood and teenage years, I remember:
1. My inability to get along with peers most of the time. I just wasn't one of them and rarely had what I would consider a "friend". Occasionally, I was let into a group, but that never seemed to last that long.

2. I was always developmentally slow when it came to learning self-care or other simple things (like washing my hair properly or being able to use a lighter). I've always been highly intelligent but I was always made fun of for not knowing how to do everyday things.

3. I was always really clumsy (it was blamed on an inner ear thing but there might have been more to it).

4. I never really got non-verbal communication in social situations. For once in my life, I actually have friends and they've been giving me feedback on how my body language is confusing and incorrect and not communicating what I'm trying to communicate. I often don't understand the situation I'm in, like I might go to a movie with someone, but not realize it was a date or go with a guy to a frat house because I wanted to see what a frat house looked like and not realize that that was code for sex. I thought maybe I didn't understand those things because I was (and still am) innocent and pretty sheltered as a child, but still, I had absolutely no clue until it was almost too late. And even when I was trying to connect with people romantically, I'd have to ask friends what I was supposed to do step by step (like is it ok to text the person and what do I say?)

I don't understand what's appropriate and what isn't. People have told me I'm annoying, creepy, etc.

5. I've had obsessions, but I'm not sure they're in the realm of textbook Asperger's. Right now I'm obsessed with a TV show—I want anything that has the characters on it and watch the episodes over and over again. At this point, it's not conflicting with my life except for being embarrassing. I don't remember if I had any big obsessions as a child, at least nothing that I can think of at the moment.

6. I never really liked to be touched, even though (at least at the present) I want to learn to like it. According to my mother, this began when I was a baby and I never really seemed to want physical affection.

I really don't know what's wrong…maybe I'm on the wrong track. But I've always been the weird awkward kid that most people wouldn't accept and would either bully or ignore me and I sort of kept to myself. At one point, the doctors thought I had avoidant personality disorder, but now suddenly I don't have it? I just avoided people because they always made me feel uncomfortable or dumb because I would do the wrong thing.

Is a psychiatrist the correct doctor to talk to about this? I'm afraid that I'll just be dismissed as usual. I've learned to fit in as well as I can so maybe I'll seem to "normal" to even consider it.