I don't understand why my mom insists I am "shy". Yeah, I am an introvert, and prefer lonely places, and I am selective with regards to friends and people I meet. She interprets this as shyness, and well, I feel like she doesn't appreciate me enough. I know I am an adult, and that it shouldn't matter, but I don't get why she doesn't see the good in me, the good that is being curious, intense, sincere, and caring. I have my defects, like being aggressive or absent-minded, but I wish she would comment more on my virtues on reunions instead of pointing out that the reason I don't go amd dance is because I am shy.
I was a loner before, more out of laziness than anything else, and she insisted on me making friends. I told her I already had friends at school, and asked her why does she insist on me being like everybody else. She answered that she just wants me to hang out more and that was it.
I did it, and guess what? Now she constantly implies I am "unfulfilled" because I don't party a lot.
I honestly don't know what to do, since I explained to her several times, politely, what an introvert is and how we prefer a small group of friends over large ones. She always answers with "yeah, I know we are all different", as if to try to fool me into thinking she accepts me and I do what she says.
I don't drink, smoke, and dance, amd it's frustrating to see others telling me I should and to constantly get funny looks because I don't. My mother always tells me I need to both read and study and socialize, but I don't see other moms making bad comments of how their children don't read at all or seldom study. Of course, they are adjusted, and being more complete only applies if you read and study but don't socialize that much. yeah, I see the double standard here, which exists in society in general.
She always says how I have a hard time with "people your age", but not with adults. And that is only partially true, because as stated above, I do have friends and can interact with others my age, but many are very indolent, intolerant, judgemental, and don't understand my intense emotions. I want to be with people I don,t freak out.
Adults are more understanding because of their experience, generally that is.
She often makes the comment about how I should change my expression, because "it looks intense, and it will put people off". As if I didn't notice that before, and as if I cared what they think... The only thing that hurts my feelings is how she, SHE of all people, makes comments about it.
I just wish I got more appreciation for my own merits, instead of being compared to others, and being set to a stupid double standard in which it is adjusted to be a socialite and never be an avid reader, but being an avid reader and an introvert is maladjusted and in need of improvement.
She also says that in "real life", there are different types of people and that I need to learn how to deal with them. First of all, she hasn't seen how I treat my professors, and other faculty members. She thinks I treat them how I do my family. I know when and where to behave how I truly wish. Second, I am going to be a college professor and researchers, and my peers will be into research and reading, so that's with whom I should associate, and that's what I should prepare for. Not to dance and "have fun". Having fun, for me, is reading and having discussions about different topics, having a cup of coffee or tea, and at most going to the movies or conventions. If others have a different concept of fun, that's awesome! But I wish my concept of fun got the respect it deserves.