Okay, so I have about 2-3 weeks before T comes back from maternity leave. I had hoped I would have made a final decision about old pdoc and asking him back but I keep going back and forth between yes I'm gonna do it to being extremely unsure.

He was a really good pdoc. Though we didn't always see eye to eye...I do believe he had my best interests in mind. Yet while I know that I still can't make a yes or no decision on this.

I think at times communication was an issues for us(him, T, and I) but T said she would really help with that even just between him and I. She would help me organize my thoughts by priority and help me state them clearly. Plus, she said she would keep in regular contact with him about how I was doing which old T never did. My other big issue: not always feeling heard especially when ill. Even though I know he heard me because he'd respond appropriately though not always the way I wanted. Plus he'd rephrase what I said in his own words to make sure he understood what I was saying.

Logic/rational thought says ask him but my emotional side says no way. Ugh!!! I hate this!! I just don't know what to do.

I mean I could ask him and if he says yes try it out and if it doesn't work for me...I could always switch at that point. There's always the possibility he says no in which case I know what I need to do. Maybe all it is...is I'm afraid he will say no. Sometimes it feels like more than that but I can never pinpoint anything else.

Sorry for rambling again about this...