Okay, so at the moment I'm feeling like this:



I'm in CBT therapy at the moment, I've had 10 sessions on and off since August after I OD'd...

It's going okay... my T gets me to do worksheets during the week because I don't talk much in sessions, so we can't get through the stuff we need to. I'm starting to think if there's ever going to be an end to these damn worksheets - I'm a perfectionist, so I'm so scared of getting answers wrong, even if slightly, and the worksheets don't help that. I've been trying so so so hard to really read the worksheets and go through them and change my thinking, but 17-years of negative-thinking seems to be hard to shift...

I know this is gonna be a bit of a rant (sorry)... All I want to do in sessions is scream and shout and cry and break down and curl into a ball and SI and hit things... and that probably sounds mad and crazy, but unfortunately it's something I have to deal with. Problem is, I kinda wanna either stop CBT because it doesn't help or ask my T if we could use another method, OR I wanna just grit my teeth and bear through it, because I'm scared that if I ask if we can use another method, and she says no, she'll suggest going to another therapist... and I REALLY don't want or need that right now... My list of problems seems to be endless, so I won't list them here (if anyone wants to know just ask) and I get on well with my T when I talk, and I don't want to start again.

I'm not really sure what I'm hoping to get out of this post...
My next session is tomorrow morning, and I am DREADING it...
I just don't really know what to do...

Thank you if you read all of this I really appreciate it x