Hi nummy - maybe it would help if there is a bit more distance from them for a while. So that you don't have to cut them out entirely, but so that you can include them when you are ready to do so. And for yourself - sometimes there is better support from others (maybe here on the forum, or a therapist or counsellor) - others who realize the importance of listening to you and trying to understand what is happening in your life and experience. It can be an uncomfortable sense of loss to make the decision to turn away from one's family - especially if there are aspects of support from them at times. On the other hand - it can be an experience of intense relief to cut out the people who cause you turmoil (even when it's your family). So - if you are not yet ready to make a final decision - then allow yourself to take a pause from them (at your own pace). Maybe tell them that you're on a retreat for a while, and you'll be in touch eventually (allow yourself the time that you need).