I'm going to quit the PHP Program I've been in since March. I want to SI and have Sui ideations really bad right now and I need to hang on. I don't want to go in there and end up them finding out I've done something. Trying to journal, trying to keep my mind occupied. Even trying to medicate enough to stop feeling this way.

I know it's for the best that I leave. And they have helped. But just too much going on right now and can't deal with it anymore there. I should have stopped a couple of months ago, when I didn't feel this negative about this program. And I wouldn't now be feeling as bad as I did when I first started.

Just have to get through at least today and tomorrow!

Need to focus on getting another shrink or something.