So much has happened since I was here last l its been almost a month. I had a crisis , but got through it, i had an accident with a big blue truck whose driver didn't see me , lots of snow days to give me time to be alone and think and write - which I've been doing a lot of.

What do I need help with? Sometimes despair comes over me so strongly that I feel glued to the ground. I guess i need to know what you think that is about, and help me figure out why that is happening.

But when I come in, you always ask me how I'm doing, and I feel like you want me to say " great" . In some ways I am great, because I've got words , and I'm working on some things I want to send into surviving therapy abuse. I'm getting more done and feeling more focused.

But still these moments when it's hard even to stand up, much less move.

I've been making myself stand up , and dance a little. Putting some music on just to get through the moment. But I've spent too much time getting through tough moments, and have got to learn what they are telling me. Help?