In the months since my fiancee kicked me out, I have realized that I was 90% of the problem. At least at first; in the end it was 50 - 50, but it was my behavior that led to the communication breakdown that led to the feelings of alienation and loneliness that she just couldn't take anymore. My quirks and foibles and emotional unavailability/ numbness led to her feeling unloved and unappreciated and her eventual withdrawal. I thought it was her bipolar, the reason for her silence, so I never confronted her. I just took care of the house and the kids and the business of day to day life, not realizing that I was taking care of everything as if it actually were a business and not as if it were a family.

And when she couldn't take it anymore, she threw me out. It was the isolation I guess, the hours I spent alone with myself that I started to see myself more clearly. I talked to some friends, I talked to my sister, I talked to a counselor and a psychiatrist, and it seems I have Asperger's. Sounds simple, but it's like walking around with a grab bag full of OCD, ADHD, bipolar, Avoidant Personality Disorder, and alexithymia.

So now the ex and I are talking. We always were because I couldn't just disappear from the kids' lives, but now we're talking about our issues, our needs, our feelings (as I slowly grow to understand mine). We're saying the things we needed to say a long time ago. I was thinking of this as all part of the healing process, but the other day she kissed me. At some point, I stopped her. I told her (and myself, cause the realization hit me as it was happening) "I can give you, I want to give you, everything I am, but it won't be enough. I can give you everything you want, but I can't maintain that. You need more than I can give. You deserve more than I can give."

After some time, she said, "Right now, I need you. Right now it's enough." not much more happened after that, but we have been talking and texting. She wants me to be at her place tomorrow. I know she wants sex, and I can't say I don't. But can this be done? Can we just have a physical relationship after having been emotionally involved, living together, and even engaged? Is this just desperation on her part? And if so, am I taking advantage of her, even though it's her idea, if I follow through?

A week ago, I was confused by anything emotional (I still am, of course), but now I'm confused by her expressed desire to *not be emotional.