I've been working with my T for a year and about a few months after I started going, I lied to T about 2 events that happened in my life. I basically told T that I suffered through 2 traumatic events that really didn't happen. The problem is, both of the events happened many, many years ago. One of the events I never told anyone (and just made it up to T in response to a question he asked if such an event ever happened to me). The other event I told to a lot of people, so much so that it almost feels real, and now I'm thinking it DID happen, though somehow my mind is saying it didn't.

The problem is I'm really getting into the deeper stuff with T and I really feel like I can let my guard down completely and be 100% honest and open with T. I feel like I need to come clean with these lies, but I'm also not sure if I should. Every time I think I should tell T, I keep thinking why tell T I lied? What if I never mentioned it ever again and let the lies quietly fade away, wouldn't that work?

Then I keep thinking that I should tell T so we can work through WHY I told the lies to begin with and really get to the root of my problems. Then I get scared T will reject me, fire me as a client, be disappointed in me, etc., and then I keep quiet and vow not to say anything.

The thing is keeping these secrets from T is starting to bother me and I keep getting this nagging feeling like I have to tell them. Then I just go in circles again and ask myself why I should tell T and put myself through the torture...I guess I just need to hear rationale and reason and maybe some advice...I don't know.