Hello, Im 40 year old known bipolar since I was 30. Meds help, but still practice highly addictive behavior, with gambling, sex, weed, or starting projects that ruin me.

Currently have failed at business three times while wrecking my teaching career that I always fell back on to support myself.

I have many medical problems one including something wrong with my stomach that makes me throw up my meds about 50 percent of the time. I have bad knee, back and arm from accidents n cant do physical work.

I have no money, but my family gives me enough to stay away from them as Im very tempermental and I destroy their lives when forced to stay with them.

Im now overseas with my rent paid for a few months and have money to eat, but Im severely depressed and haven't left my apartment for a week besides to go to 711 for food.

My family will pay for me to fly home and then live with them, but then I get more depressed and there are no jobs for me as my work record is a total mess now. I have masters degree, but cant apply to anything.

On the up side, Ive seen the world, but I have nothing, but like 5 shirts, a couple pairs of shorts, two pairs of shoes, and nothing to show for my life...

My usual routine is to stabilize for a few years and then explode, but cant see this happening this time....

the whole not taking meds cause I throw up is not helping, guess I should find a solution to that first...