I think you made the right decision, Mactastic. I know how hard it must have been.

FWIW, I always struggle with the fear of disappointing my T. He usually defuses that - or tries to - by bringing up the fact that I fear his disapproval, and discussing what that means, where it comes from and why I don't actually need to fear it. I still do fear it, but it helps to know that he is aware of the fear. Is that something you can talk to your T about?