I was diagnosed with a personality disorder too…and then undiagnosed (if that's even a word). Besides, if I was originally avoidant, I would have gotten "better" way too quickly.

And I agree it would be liberating…to know that all the people who disliked or even hated me over the years that it wasn't my fault—that I wasn't doing something wrong on purpose and that they just disliked me because I was "weird" and "eccentric". Or as they described me, "annoying" and "creepy".

The only person they could probably interview would be my mom. We're not really close, but she at least knew me growing up. Although, in her opinion, the reason I never really played with kids my age was I was too intelligent and didn't understand how they played, which according to my young self involved running around and screaming. I'm sure there was more to it though. I just think she'll give any excuse to say that I only acted the way I did because I was so much smarter and better than kids my age. Typical. Even if I tell her that even as an adult I need step by step instructions from a friend on some social interactions—like asking someone on a date and going on said date. I've never actually made it past the first date (if even that far) apparently because I'm just too weird or creepy. Creepy has been a word that has been actually said to me more than once and I never understood what I did that made them so angry when all I was doing was expressing interest in them…

Anyway, I'll have to ask my psychiatrist the next time I see her (which is still a few weeks away), but I'm afraid I'm still going to be dismissed.