I'm so afraid he's going to judge me or be disappointed. I know he's going to feel like I 'know better' and I wonder if he's going to be thinking he can't help me if I go and do crap that's detrimental to my emotional well-being. Up until his point I have taken so much pride in being a "good client" by really facing my fears, being consistent with appointments, reading recommended books, and trying (really trying) all his suggestions. And then I go and do something stupid

It's also pretty 'shady' because we had such a full agenda for this upcoming session already. I hope he doesn't think I went and did what I did to put off that conversation - or maybe I did! This is all so confusing

I literally have a pit in my stomach just thinking about it. I did decide to go to my session this week (tomorrow! ) I realize putting it off isn't going to help.