My Support Forums - View Single Post

Jan 27, 2014 at 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by moomoocows

Although I know there is another thread with the same subject, I decided to start a new one because I felt that some of the messages in the other thread were condoning hitting yourself/punching yourself, which I believe it should be considered on the same level as cutting, ie: it is self harm.

I guess I am mostly seeking advice and also wondering if anyone else has this issue. Unfortunately, I am also a cutter, so essentially I have issues with self-harm. And I am very ashamed about this and would not disclose this to anyone but this private forum.

When I am really really upset, disconnected, and having what I call an "episode" I sometimes get very very angry (usually at myself or how I am feeling) and I will repeatedly punch myself in the head with fists very hard. It is really horrible and I always feel awful afterwards and dizzy. Unfortunately, last night I did this for quite sometime. I finally stopped when I really scared my partner and he held me down. All day today my head has felt sort of murky, bad headache and after some Advil, it still kind of aches. I am sure it is just sore from what I did. I did some research online and it seems you can't really cause a concussion or anything, although I think the emotional effects are really terrible. Perhaps it was due to my episode and issue last night, which was really awful and I won't go into it, but I have felt very out of it all day. Unable to focus or think clearly at work. (I did not want to come in, but that's another story)

I guess I was just wondering if anyone that has Borderline Personality Disorder or anyone else, do you sometimes have these reactions also? It is unfortunately something I have done ever since I was a teenager. Often it was related to a very intense emotionally abusive fight or argument with someone, where I became extremely upset.

In addition, when I am so upset and revved up and out of sorts, what should I do? I was told to use a rubber band on my wrist and snap it. I don't want to be inappropriate but I did that method before and after my head punching and now my wrist is really bruised and swollen, so apparently that is not the best method either.

Any help, advice, or similar experiences would be helpful. Thank you.

Hello moomoocows: Yes. I have a history of head hitting and head banging. And I want to warn you... as a result of my relentless head banging (more-so than hitting, I believe) I now have Meniere's Disease which is a condition of the inner ear and tinnitus (constant ringing in the ears.) These conditions can be managed but not cured. I also have had a detached retina in one eye which I suspect was related to my self-harm activities.

There's more to be concerned about when you talk about head hitting / banging than concussions. So I would like to strongly recommend that, if you are not already receiving help for this, you do so. Over the long haul, there can be some really difficult consequences.

You mentioned that you tried the rubber band idea. Another thing I've heard suggested is to make a list of things you really like to do. Then when you feel like self-harming, pick out an activity from the list & do that, or a couple of the activities from your list, until the urge passes. But, really, this is something you should get professional help with. There can be serious long-term consequences for hitting or banging your head.