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Originally Posted by skyler143
Sent from my ZTE V768 using Tapatalk 2 I am a 47 year old woman who was married young to a very abusive man for eleven years. The abuse we unlike anything you could ever even see on tv. Broken legs, stabbed seven times, shot at more than i can count, raped repeatedly, emotionally destroyed, threatened with death if i left, and so much more. One of the times he was going to kill me he ended up shooting my best friend and she died along with her husband. This resulted in him getting life on prison plus 45 years. I met and married a wonderful Christian man who passed away after 13 years, one year after the death of both of my children. I swore to never marry again, but did two years ago. He also had lost a child and accepted me kindly with all my baggage. He never hurt me in any way. Then today i was again in one of my major depressed moods so i took a little too much of my meds and fell asleep. When i woke up two hours later my pants were off. He said he did that to massage my legs, but he didn't touch me sexually even though he could have. He doesn't understand, but i feel like i have been raped all over again. All the years of therapy and i am right back where i was all those years ago. I am sorry this is so long, but i feel like i am dying here. He says i am being crazy when i try to talk to him because he would never do that. Can anybody, please, tell me what i can or should do. I am more depressed now then i was before i went to sleep. I would appreciate any suggestions. You can send me private messages since i seem to forget where this is, but need some answers. Going crazy here... HELP!
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Hello Skyler: I am so sorry for all of the trouble you have seen. We hear on TV, or read in the newspapers, about things such as you have experienced. But somehow reading your post makes it all seem so much more real.
I don't know if I really have much of anything to offer. It sounds to me as though your husband is feeling defensive. And so calling you crazy is a way for him to defend himself. Of course, I can't know what he may or may not have done. It could be that he's defensive because he really didn't do anything but massage your legs & he's hurt that you'd think he did. Or it's also possible that something more did occur & he feels guilty & so is defending himself because he does not want to admit the truth either to you or himself.
To some extent, to my mind, it doesn't really matter whether he did or didn't do something. What is significant here is that you have some long-held trauma that you are still dealing with & also that you & your husband have some marital issues that need to be resolved. So, my thought would be that you need to find a therapist who is experienced in dealing with PTSD among other things. And also you & your husband need to engage each other in a marriage counseling situation. It would, no doubt, also be useful for your husband to see someone on his own as well, of course, if he is willing.
I obviously don't know anything about your husband's willingness to engage in such a process. And, if he's not willing, then the avenue that remains open to you is individual therapy for yourself. That may not be ideal. But all you can do, is all you can do. I also don't know anything about your financial situation or where you live (large city vs. rural area.) If you live where there are resources available then there may be a wider variety of services available to you than will be if you live in a rural area. If there are any women's services organizations in your area, this might be a good place to start. There is also the National Domestic Violence Hotline which you could call for assistance. Their number is: (800) 799-SAFE (7233)...
The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support If nothing else, there would be someone there you could talk with, live, to help you sort out this problem. May good fortune follow you from here on.
