Sounds like P.T.S.D. to me. Darlin' you need a Purple Heart , a hug , a holiday or SOMETHING for surviving all of that! I had two abusive husbands but not as sever as yours. I can some-what relate. I react when anyone touches my neck & throat due to being chocked un conscience, I've had guns pulled on me, knives to my throat, detailed death threats, he would pull a gun on me & I'd try to run over him with the truck to get me & the kids to safety. Anyway, if you need to talk I'm here.