Hi all!

I'm new here, and I was wondering if any of you may be able to help me.

This time last year, I started remembering my past, and I thought I had remembered all of it, or at least a large percentage of it. The problem that I'm having now is that just last night, I got a piece of a memory.

This happened last year, when a memory was too intense for me to remember, my mind could only focus on one thing in the memory, and it took a while for the rest of the memory to unfold.

The thing is, last year, I had remembered the shadow of a tree branch. It was like a still, or a photograph of this shadow, which turned out to be something I had focused intently on while being hurt. But now, I had a flashback of someone at the foot of my bed, looking like they're kneeling, and putting their arm on my bed. I see the size of the bed, and know that I'm very little (between 6-8 maybe), because I see where my feet end, and this grey/black misty blob sets their arm down on the bed just below my feet. It's difficult for me because when I finally had remembered the rest of the shadow branch memory, it just sort of flung itself at me, playing from the "photograph" and playing to the end. Now, I don't have a still, but a very small movie of the seconds prior to something. I don't physically feel anything, I just feel terror.

I know it's also not detailed, which bugs me. Everything but the blob though is vivid. I don't even know if it's a man or woman. But the memory ends there, and I feel this sense of absolute terror to the point of wanting to scream. But I don't know if I feel terror from that time, or terror now...if that makes sense. Like, at the time I don't think I was scared, but I am now, even though my conscious doesn't remember all of the memory.

I'd rather not go to a therapist, since I have had a very bad experience with one before (I'm sure others are fine, but I wouldn't be able to open up, defeating the use). I'm currently talking with my mom, who is my safe person and confidant. I'm a 19 y.o. female if that helps.

I'd like some advice on how I can tell my mind that I'm ready for the rest of the memory, because I don't want to go through 3 months of hell to remember like last time.

Thank you all for your help!