Dear wife22, what a hard, sad and lonely place ... I've lived there too.

I think hvert's and chateau's posts both put it very well. All I saw in the situations you shared were his cruel and selfish negativity, and immature sabotaging of children's happiness. Also that you're (as I did) increasingly walking on eggshells, bending over backwards and even letting your children's upbringing be mis-shapen in the hope of improving his moods and satisfying his twisted needs enough that he'll do the right things by his family.

That may sound a bit strong - obviously I can't know how full-on this kind of behaviour from him is - but it certainly sounds like he is emotionally abusive ... and at least bordering on physically abusive.

Whatever you do, please don't keep blaming yourself or believing that he'll suddenly change. Then you'll be able to see more clearly.

My heart goes out to you and I send you strength