thank you all for your response.River,you are pretty close,he has never been physical,but on occasions I felt he might be,words hurt more,especially when after all the lonely nights while taking care of kids,studying with them,driving them back and forth to and from their extracurriculars and taking over his nighttime shift so he can sleep,telling kids he is the best dad ever,he told me"whatever you are doing,whichever way you are bringing them up is not working,you are failing and creating dysfunctional family"..REally?I am not supposed to do all this alone and work and be there for his parents and sister,i thought he should have been there with me.
So,do I swallow pain and go on,or rebel and end up divorcing?what hurts more is that I do not recognize my emotions any more,I am numb and hurt together.is it possible?