Hi, I'm new to this site. I was diagnosed with Bipolar I eight years ago - I have multiple other conditions to go along with it, but I won't go into all of those just yet. In the years since my diagnosis, I became pretty in tune with my bipolar (the warning signs of a mania or a low, and how to prepare for them). By the time I went into a depressed state, or low, in late 2012, I wasn't too worried, because I was expecting it (I had just come off a small, two month mania), and I knew you couldn't have the highs without the lows. However, all of my bipolar manias and lows only lasted for 2 to 3 months at the MOST. I NEVER would have imagined that the depression I entered into in 2012 would still be going on in 2014, and would be so severe that my only hope for happiness is that someone or something kills me very, very soon. This depression is incredibly unusual for bipolar disorder - they are not supposed to last for more than a year. It's an episode, and it's not in character with how my bipolar has acted in the seven years prior to the onset of this. For the love of God, has someone else dealt with this? I can't have sex, and my husband is miserable. The more he wants it, the more I don't want to give it, and the more we fight. I already have PTSD from being sexually abused in my prior marriage. My therapist is awesome, and we have tried several combinations of drugs, to no avail - I did not notice the slightest difference with any of them. This bipolar depression cannot be touched; it has consumed me. I feel like I'm carrying death around with me. My health has deteriorated remarkably, my white blood count is alarmingly low and I have been physically sick for four months now. I'm too weak to eat, to weak to do much of anything. But my mind is sharp still, and it won't let me die, which is terribly cruel. This is incredibly inhumane.