The problem is that you are setting things up & getting the things that you need to accomplish the homicide.......that in law is premeditated & seriously a different level of a crime than something in self defense or just something that happens in the heat of emotion.

The problem is that since you are going ahead with the plans & getting the things that are needed.....crossing the line into actually acting on your thoughts is a lot closer than if you hadn't already put your plans into action.......the fact that you have gone that far is a serious issue.

Has this person who you are feeling homicidal toward done something previously to hurt you or someone you are angry about or has hurt someone else that has caused you to get to this point in your homicidal feelings? Sometimes there are some people who we really wish we could get out of our life & make the world free from their horribleness.....we really wish they were dead!!!!.......but when we go beyond that & actually create a plan (step 1).....then purchase the things that are necessary to carry out that plan (step 2)....you can see how much closer it is to cross the line into taking any action.....THAT IS A DANGEROUS PLACE TO BE.

You seriously need to talk to a T about what emotions you are experiencing & why this person has caused you to feel this way....(I'm assuming that it is a specific person & not just some random person somewhere in general).

The thing is that if it is a specific person you are having problems with.....there may have been something they have already done that maybe the law needs to get involved with against them rather than taking any action into your own hands....or if your own safety is a concern & you feel like you want to kill them before they do harm to you........there are so many issues that you really NEED to deal with.....& then you really need to focus on another way of dealing with them other than something so permanent & basically harmful to you when you end up in jail or dead yourself.

Remember, self-defense is reasonable.....but it's a lot better to be able to get the law involved in protecting you if possible than to take it into your own hands.

Truly hope that you have someone who you can discuss your emotions & the thought process you are going through that has brought you to this point. Sometimes having someone else helping you think of other better solutions can really be better for all involved.......I truly hope that you have a T that you can really talk this over with or even a really good friend (know that's a lot harder as they are usually more emotionally involved also).

Take the action to resolve & understand & get control of your emotions.....don't just leave it at the 'gee, I don't know if I could really do it point....because the mind when emotions are in control doesn't allow for logic to make the decisions & you can really end up being sorry for what you did because at that final point you wouldn't be thinking clearly or logically.