Yes... Sadly, I think you are right. Part of me hopes I will never hear from him again. I've been through this on/off again thing a few times with him, and it always hurts. Not as much each time. I woke up pain free and was grateful, but it has set in as the day went by without hearing from him. When my thoughts drift to him I am trying to remember to say to myself "I am the center of my universe... take care and think of me." I am trying every trick in the book to buoy my spirits, to not sink into despair.

The scariest part is that I will hear from him again. It's only been a few days, but I see the signs, he has decided to disappear again. This time, I have the self respect not to reach out, even gently as I have done in the past. Or maybe he will just fade away. Sometimes the periods of silence have lasted 6 weeks. This is one of the horrible things about it... I don't know. He could disrupt my life again just as Ive started putting the pieces together as he's done in the past. As I write this I am thinking "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change." I want to put it out of my mind and give myself some peace.

I hope I have the strength not to respond if/when he contacts me. In the past, I've been overcome with grief. I'm sad this time too, but I know these ropes, I will get through it eventually... My biggest problems now are trying not to obsess, but focus on me and my life, and my weakness/addiction to him, to somehow overcome my weakness and resist him when he resurfaces. I know I have to take responsibility for my continued misery and must actively work to end it.