Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopelessly Hopeful
Her reaction could have contributed. She kind of flipped things around out of nowhere and said I am free to talk about it and she actually encourages it. When historically she doesn't let the conversation go anywhere before saying she's causing me too much harm and no longer helping and maybe I should try someone new for a bit. She said the door is always open if I want to come back to her, but it hurts to feel like I can't freely talk about anything without fear of judgement or abandonment.
I know many people will wonder why I don't just leave...that this obviously isn't healthy. It's not that easy, though. She saved my life this year...literally. Several times. And she has been SO available to me with zero complaints- not once! Not many T's are like that! She is so rare! But it comes with a price. :'(
I can't stop crying I feel so dramatic but it's hard. It's hard feeling as if you love someone so deeply and all they will ever do is rip your heart out and walk away like everyone else.
This is what hurts the worst...If a seasoned therapist is making me feel this way, how can I ever heal and trust anyone? She is literally showing me EVERYONE will screw you over in the end.
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That's tough... Normally we could hope that first session after so long break is never very "nice" but in this case it was actually a reason why you've decided to make a break... Isn't it that she's great when you are in a crisis (you wrote that she had saved your life) but when you feel better she cannot give you what you need or you want more than she can give you? I don't know - it's just an idea... Would it be possible to see two Ts for a short time? Like her every two weeks and one recommended by her if she really thinks that someone else could be better... Then at least she wouldn't abandon you and you could see if you prefer to stay with her or change T...