Hopeful, it sounds like maybe you equate the intensity of feelings in therapy with the level of caring. So in a crisis, everything is heightened and the bond feels tight and kind of exhilarating. But in between crises, the connection feels flat, maybe even broken. That intensity sounds like transference to me, but the work of therapy doesn't really happen in the middle of those feelings. And that kind of intensity is very de-stabilizing.

I think she doesn't follow through and talk about the transference feelings because they seem linked to harmful SI for you. She certainly doesn't want to facilitate in any way such harm; she really is taking care of you in this. When you weren't seeing her, you say the SI feelings went away. That seems like a really good indication that engaging those transference feelings at this time would do more harm than good. She doesn't want to see you stop your therapy work, but it sounds like that or switching to another T are the only options you're allowing her right now.

Is it possible that for now you could let yourself engage in your therapy work, but put the discussion of transference on the shelf? I'm not saying ignore it or fight it--just let it be?

Does any of this make sense? I know it feels powerfully like rejection, but I really don't think that's what she's doing.