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DISCLAIMER:
I discuss the 12 steps of AA in this post. I'd really appreciate only supportive replies. If you disagree with the 12 steps, please refrain from replying in a non-supportive way.....thanks.
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Wow....so you all know that I play competetive pool. In pool halls where people's primary purpose is to play pool, but yes there is a bar there. I always go to a meeting before I go, and ask higher power to walk with me. There was always my boyfriend, who would drag me kicking and screaming if I'd try to drink, and now one of my teams has all AA members, and the other team has one AA member.

Well my boyfriend and I broke up, and he's on both teams. The breakup was ok and we're still friends, but its still really strange to be around him.

I've also been full of fear and anger lately and am writing a huge inventory to take to my sponsor on Friday.

Last night at league, I felt like drinking!!! Not because I wanted to, but because I was so uncomfortable, I realized. I was uncomfortable around my ex, I was a little hungry, I was only drinking water because I didn't have money for a soda. I played my match and left. Oh yeah, my AA friend on the team got me some chocolate, old newcomer trick of staving off a craving haha.

Anyway, I played my match and left. I was honest with people that I wanted to drink. Luckily my tools kicked in and I was ok, doing what I was supposed to do but I realized this.....that for me, I can't let much needed inventories sit for a month and expect to walk a free person anywhere, like the bigbook says we can. I was absolutely NOT enjoying life in that moment. So it was a valuable lesson for me, to not balk on needed stepwork!!!!!!

I was amazed at the obsession that hit at almost 2 years sober. I can tell you for sure, if this inventory Friday doesn't make me feel better right away, I won't be going into a pool hall for a little bit. =) Just had to rat myself out.

Truly grateful for another day in paradise,
Rayna