I wonder where your feelings are coming from. They're definitely transference, and so who in your past has abandoned you (or threatened to abandon you)? And how did that make you feel? Why is that feeling now being put on your T? A part of the goal of transference is to find out the origin of these feelings and work through their problems. The fact that it causes SI is a strong indicator that it is trauma-related and you need to find the root of why you feel this way. The problem your T is finding is that you get so destabilized whenever you bring it up. And so she can't really deal with it in the way it needs to be. So maybe this is something you have to think about and find the root of yourself before you can talk about it with her.

Also, she may be unskilled in trauma work or long-term care. If her specialty is crisis intervention, this may be a very difficult and uncomfortable situation for her, and she may know she isn't able to give you the level of care you need. It's not about abandoning you. It's about making sure you have the best possible care.