I've tried hospitalization and it was literally one of the worst experiences of my life (the environment was terrifyingly reminiscent of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest). I'm desperately trying to get ECT, but there is only one doctor in a four hour radius who performs it, and BOTH of my insurance carriers do not cover him. I cannot travel four hours away three times a week to get ECT, so I'm still trying to get one of my insurance carriers to work with me and cover this doctor in town. I don't expect it to work out, but I'm hoping I can somehow (and I know this sounds so melodramatic, but I can't help it) just die before I have to deal with being told again that nothing worked out and I have no options.
I've pretty much tried all of the medications I can, even some pretty unconventional medication combinations to push me into a manic state, but nothing has made this depression budge. I'll get little blips of sleepless nights and excitement, but they only last for two days, and then I'm even worse than before. I'm especially suicidal after I fight with my husband about our lack of a sex life. Anyways, until my health took a nose dive and my immune system disappeared, I exercised regularly and ate right along with a regular sleep schedule - still no difference in the depression. My one hope right now is ECT :/

Thank you for replying to my post!