What? I have felt that way before, lots of times, thats why there are places like this, I guess, because people need to know they aren't really alone.
I tried to commit suicide 4 or 5 times, the first was when I was 11 years old. The last when I was 20. I had a lot of really fkng big 'challenges' in my life, which I won't get into, but, in spite of my desire to end the pain, I am today - glad, actually glad I didn't succeed. I learned a lot from those things, and that pain.
I'm so much stronger at the age of 44 than I ever would have thought I could be, I'm so much more appreciative of the little unnoticed things and the nuances of being alive that you would never KNOW if you ceased to exist. Yes, your pain would be over but you - whoever you are, and whoever you might possibly become from making it through your pain, would be gone forever. Would anyone care? Well? Why don't you try to make some people who would care? Why not put the work into surrounding yourself with the kind of people who would help you, love you and CARE?
Thats what I did when I realized how dumb it was to think that all the shysters who had hurt me in my life deserved my failure, screw them, not only did I find ways of distancing those people so they could no longer hurt me, but I began to enjoy the friends, and surrogate family that I made to help support my growth.
There are smart choices and there are dumb choices...hurting yourself when you really want to stop someone from hurting you is not a smart choice.