Geez! I feel angry, really ANGRY when I read about how some have been abused. No one should even make it past that first threat! I wish I could be omnipresent and show up like a superhero and break the fingers of people who do this!
Well, I can't, and whats done is done, you've been through a lot, now is the time to heal, but it doesn't just happen overnight, or just because you want it to...you have to go through a lot to get to where you will feel safe and in control of your life again.
You have a lot of scars, you need professional help.
You are valuable and worth every minute of the healing that you need, you have to beleive in that and not give up...
The others' here are right, you have flashbacks, even though the feelings you are having about reliving the trauma of the rape seem as real as the moment it happened, you have to be willing to accept that its your brain protecting your body with the chemical components of survival, your reaction to your husband is part of that, but, before you can wade through all of that, you need to get some support some professional support...don't wait, you need it now.