Hey guys!

I'm a new member so bear with me. I have BPD, and an eating disorder. I am in a 'healthy' relationship for the first time in my entire life. I have been 8 months self harm free and 8 months clean. I feel consumed by my relationship. I often get angry when I feel like I'm losing time with him. I get angry, jealous, and insecure about other women/models/pornstars on the regular. My boyfriend is very good at giving me positive affirmations and talking me out of my irrational fantasies. But I still sit here on the internet... or just daze off thinking about how pointless my life is. I feel like I will never, ever be happy in a relationship because I'm constantly taking things personally or overanalyzing or creating crises when there isn't one. I was ina BPD DBT group and i'm going to be joining a new one but TBH, it feels like a huge waste of my time. Of course I want help, but I feel like I'm an emotional burn victim... EVERYTHING upsets me ... I'm tired of being mad at my boyfriend or even other people i have a relationship with (parents, friends) due to my overbearing insecurities and jealous issues. I am just tired of feeling.... and worse, I'm tired of getting jealous and then getting angry and the person when they haven't even done anything wrong. Then I just feel like a huge insecure idiot.... and that's just further proof that I shouldn't even be here because I'm just a big cloud of doom -_- ....

What I want:
A healthy relationship
A healthy way of coping
Be able to look at women and not be jealous
Be HAPPY in a relationship where I focus on what IS not what could be
Be more rational

Any help would be greatly appreciated..

Thank you for listening!