Talulah, Well putting into words on here it doesn't seem like my anger was anger at all. I guess its a mixture of me feeling the anger inside of me plus trying to put it outside.

Yesterday I remember Telling T I thought she was an "abandoner". I did say afterwards that its almost like I'm totally split in 2 because though I;m feeling as if she is, and have a need to tell her she is, I know she isn't but I just have to say it to her.

She asked if I didn't feel she cared about me when she isn't there? Yet again I know on some level she does but I had to tell her I felt she just picked me up and dropped when she wanted too.

I knew in a tiny corner of my mind this isn't true, but my inside forces were so strong and the past was so present I just had to do it and say it.

Normally I squash any feelings of anger because, well because it didn't feel quite as real as yesterday. But it seems its gettingn closer to the suface and the past is becoming more consious.

I need to start fridays session by telling her that I am slightly nervous about how she may feel with my attitude toward her if it occurs again. But then again I know she will be fine.

I've done the short outbursts in the past where Ive said something like "%#@&#! you" when a break was looming. But that was different to this anger. This anger seems to have a more direction and content with it. Not just a jab. If that makes sense.

Oh dear I do feel I rattle on at times lol sorry.