No apologies on rambling! All very good insights mouse.

It seems you're really getting somewhere in therapy (even if you don't feel like it) I'm very excited for you! Because I sense Friday will yield a very intense session and this will be a good thing.

I like your idea about friday and how you will start is a great idea. You sound so freaking similar to my head!!!! With regards to the caring issue, my t says the same and asks me the same. Truth is, they care at some level when we leave but I wish it were more constant ya know? Often my inner-child, insecure side wants more, more more! Care, care, care dammit!! I wished she mused about me in my absence, is that weird or what??? I want to "feel" her caring between my weekly visits. I want to feel like she likes or cares for me better than others.

I know, my intelect reminds me of what's going on so its this constant puch and pull...I have to be realistic about the realtionship. I'm asking for unreasonable care or more care than what is appropriate to the situation. It just feels like I wished I was her 'project' and making me well a goal she sets her mind to as much and as often as I do....every day....

Tell your t, do it just keep saying it as much as you need to. If you're like me at all, I have visited this concept of her "care" for me so often. I've also dropped out of therapy once with her and nearly a second time due to my fear of her dropping me....so abandonment was an issue for me and I asked her over and over if she would ever drop me out of therapy due to this or that...

She finally said, she'd never drop me and there was nothing I could do to change that. She emails (very few) with a little "I'm not going anywhere!" if I retreat for a bit. I've run the gamut of options with her for reassurance on what happens if.......(you get sick, you die, you drop me, you move) etc........

I guess I need reassurance, and maybe more reassurance, even on the same stuff. Talk to your t openly about what would/could happen in all scenarios. It might make you feel better. please tell me how it goes down mouse....