I don't need to love people, because I was being abused and beaten so bad. Why should I show anything, because they want to use me. I can't trust myself. I don't kids, I don't want a family, I don't want a marriage wife life or anything. I don't want this societal ********. I just want to be a child and say **** everyone I'm doing my own thing and no one can stop me. The more I get older I get more trapped I just want this abuse to stop. I just want someone to help me. I hate being here, I can't trust anyone, I don't want to die by someone else's hand, if I'm getting really ill and no longer close to not be able to take care of myself. I will have to kill myself, because it is necessary I don't die suffering in pain, because I had enough. I am an adult now, being beaten like a child being abused and forced to deal with it. I used to stand up to it, now as an adult I feel like a prisoner in my own mind and this whole world. I don't want love it won't help me, I don't want money, I don't want fame, I don't anything I just want to know I'll be ok tomorrow and stop this pain in my body and finally cry let it out for once knowing I'll be safe. I just hate people. I just want to hurt myself, I am getting much worse emotionally. I just want to cry so bad, but can't or I will get yelled at. I am so done now.