Quote:
Originally Posted by Asiablue
It doesn't matter how clear she thinks she's been about the boundaries, if her client doesn't understand fully when to call and is asking for clarification then she needs to give that.
It is natural to want to call her and tell her when you've achieved something positive but I'd agree with her that that type of thing can wait until sessions. However, telling you to use your judgement about what you can contact her about isn't her being clear, cos your idea of a crisis and hers could be two very different things.
Her statement of her boundaries sounded quite defensive or rejecting and a bit shaming of you. At least that's how I'd feel.
I can understand that she doesn't want to create a dependancy in you, and that's why she discourages you seeing her as someone you can call with good news or life events but some degree of dependancy is normal and just one stage of therapy if managed effectively. She doesn't sound very available, are you comfortable with that?
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Yeah, I FELT like it was sort of shaming, but I think I might have been being a bit oversensitive and I think she was also a bit frustrated herself and she's just a human being with her own feelings too, so...that? And the thing about availability is annoying/confusing, because in the past I never really thought about her as super available, but then there were two big situations in which I needed her and called (and subsequently felt guilty about it) and she was like, "No problem, let's do a phone session, I have no issue with you calling whatsoever because you're doing what you need to do." And that was the point at which I started trusting her and called maybe one or two other times over less substantial things (like I did this awesome thing and am so proud of myself and you should be too!). And that I think was when our therapeutic relationship really cemented and I started making some really good changes because before that I thought she was sort of unavailable/uninvolved. But then she was there for me when I needed her and that made a HUGE difference to me.