so after I spoke of the CSA and the freak out after, my T had some thoughts about what is going on. she said that she thinks the basic emotion that is running things and making me want to run is fear. that what I'm going through is often normal for someone who has been abused and traumatized as bad as I have. (honestly it feels strange to hear and say that ) she said that in order to be able to work with this that some things need to be put into place in order for her office to feel like a safe place and for me to feel safe and not being retraumatized during the process but that she strongly feels that I need to be able to talk about it ,share it ,in order to be able to be free of the hold it has over me and be able to have a good life . it all sounds so hopeful and story book. share your pain and it will get better. I don't trust it. it is very hard for me to even see how this will work. sometimes I think I am just way to broken and far gone. I'm also terrified.

she said that we have already put one safety thing in place. a while back she asked me to bring in a blanket that I was able to keep in the closet of her office. this was for times when I was feeling scared or overwhelmed. she said that at these times if I could wrap myself in it that it might help me feel more grounded, safe, and comforted. the one time I did use it ,it seemed to have somewhat of that affect on me if I am able to calm down enough to let it work.

another thing she said was that I should think of a safe person in my life. someone I can think of as comforting. so when in T I feel I am overwhelmed and need comforting . I tried to think of a person in my life past or present who I feel is safe and could really think of no one . I finely told her that maybe it would be a good idea to give up on that one because it was making me feel horrible. we talked about my stepfather and how close I was to him. maybe thinking about him would work during these times. she also said that we could make up such a person. I don't know if that would work, it sounded so lonely to do that.

she also said I could come up with a safe place to bring my thoughts to also. she talked about how my home is a safe haven for me .that is true I have never thought about it that way before but it is . I have made it safe and I stay here when I don't feel safe enough to go out and about. I also have an easy time imagining a peaceful place to take my thoughts.

I just don't know if any of this stuff will work when running against all the horrors that are in my head.

has anyone ever used these methods and understand them and what is is all about .I would love to hear more about it