Now that I am aware of my ups and downs I crave being up! I am normally a rapid cycler, but since going on lamotrigine I feel like I am stuck being down. It's been a couple months. Maybe it's really seasonal affective disorder, maybe it's bipolar, maybe it's the trouble with my marriage right now. I don't know. I just know that I am depressed, it sucks and I can't seem to shake it. Please don't tell me to see my doctor. It took me nearly a year to get the referral, he's not amazing (lets be honest) and I don't really have any other options. I am changing meds, again. I just want out of this stupid depression. I lose my cool with my kids when I am depressed, I resent my husband. I want to be a better person. I really just want to be "normal" so my children have a good life. I feel like I am not providing them with the best life I could. They never go without basic necessities, but my mind is not in the moment. I am not enjoying things like I should. I am often in lala land. I really have great kids, they deserve better. So go away stupid depression! Go.