Thanks everyone. It is really helpful to get other's opinions and to see that other's have also been where I am.
I am not presently in therapy as I had to relocate closer to my family for support as I have Multiple Sclerosis and need some help. My last therapist I really did like and felt comfortable with her but, when it came to being honest with her, I couldn't do it.........I think it was more for denial purposes than anything else as she was trying to get me to work through how I felt about having MS and I just did not want to have to address that.
I know that I need to find another therapist as I do have issues that need to be addressed but, I am just afraid that I will do exactly the same thing again. I don't know if I pretend to be ok because I want them to think I am strong or whether I do that because I don't want to acknowledge to them that I am in fact very screwed up and need more help than I lead them to believe.
I have never been the kind of person who easily talks about problems or feelings and I carry this over into therapy with me....... I don't want to start therapy again and go through months actually getting nowhere and feeling that I am not really benefiting from the therapy sessions.
Other than just trying to be honest, how do I get myself to actually deal with my true feelings and let myself express them....... I do not show any emotional side of myself to anyone so, I don't know if I have just become too hard and unemotional to be truthful