Quote:
Originally Posted by BinaryMan
I feel very guilty, you know? The GF spent four years of dealing with a man with un-diagnosed, un-medicated and untreated bipolar who is prone to going into rages. She stood by me for four years despite all that. When the diagnosis came along she started researching, buying books... trying to be supportive you know? And that was great. Love her for that and all the other awesome things she does. However... I am not going to become stable any time soon. Most of what I read on the subject say that, on average, a bipolar patient treated with a combination of medication, psychological treatment, exercise, and diet will reach a stable state in 18 months. That is a long time. I have just gotten to a state where I make enough money to go to counseling once a week and now that I am on a health plan I can go to a real MD instead of seeing a registered nurse for meds. But still... 18 months. I really don't want to put the GF though that, and on the flip-side, in her current state she might actually HINDER my progress. It is painful to say, but true.
Relationships just feel.... like something I am not supposed to experience right now. Like I said in a previous thread, I really think I need to live alone at this point.
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Not to sound negative, but I've read that it takes upwards of 3 years. I am sort of with you on this. I feel like my husband is another hurdle in me getting better. Once I get to a healthy place we have to get our marriage to a healthy place and that seems like a mountain from where I am standing. Like maybe I could get better, faster, if he wasn't a part of my life. Perhaps the opposite is true though. It would be a drastic life change to be single, and something you or I could regret. We aren't well. We shouldn't be making drastic life changes right now. I'd lean on your therapist here though. They would know if you are in a healthy relationship, or if it is hindering you. Your gf sounds awesome about trying to support you. I bought my husband a book and he hasn't read it, I don't think he realizes how much that hurts. It's not like he doesn't read well, or can't sit down and read a book. He often reads an incredible amount for his job. He really just doesn't "get me." I was hoping he'd read the book and have an ah-hah moment. How can he get me though, I don't get me. One last thing, you can't let your guilt get the best of you. You sound like you feel guilty. You mention those years she stuck by you. If you leave her in 4 more years though, she'd be pissed you took up 8 years of her life when you knew you couldn't be with her. Know what I am getting at? I am sure you've already thought about this though. You sound so sad about the way you feel about your relationship. I could be way off base, just my feelings on the matter and the way I am perceiving things. Ignore how blunt I am, my husband says I'm rude lol. I call myself honest.