That's exactly how I see it. I am unable to be present and fully experience all of my feelings. It's like I have to pick and choose which feelings are "acceptable" to share with her. I know that is not right in therapy. I completely agree with this being a nightmare and heightening emotions. It is something that riles me up when we discuss it. That doesn't mean we shouldn't discuss it though. People go to therapy for issues that heighten their emotions....all sorts of issues. If the issue is fear of abandonment, for example, they should know at some point they will have to deal with the transference that comes with it and show the client that attachment/relationships don't always have to feel scary. It's actually a great therapeutic opportunity, in my opinion. Not something to say "oh this spins her off into crisis each time we discuss the matter, so we won't go near it...ever." That makes zero sense.
I am hoping to come out on the other side either seeing eye-to-eye with my current T finally, or finding one who could be what I need right now. I ultimately want to continue healing. I've come too far to allow my therapist to take that away from me...I can acknowledge that. It is the process of figuring this out, making a decision, moving on, and facing closure that is so hard. It's draining. She will definitely know how much she is hurting me. I have written almost a letter a day for nearly a month. There's about 25 pages of how I feel about the situation. Anger...extreme gratitude...neediness...attachment...peace...all types of emotion. She knows about them and is willing to read them when I am ready to give them to her.
I will update in the future. Thanks for the support.
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Originally Posted by ~EnlightenMe~
It sounds to me like your therapist doesn't know how to allow you to have your feelings, no matter what the cause, because when you tell her how much you need her, she tells you that maybe you should see another therapist. This is a nightmare for people with abandonment fears (myself included), and in my opinion, heightens emotions. What I'm guessing you are looking for is someone to trust, and bringing up the possibility that you might need to see another therapist because you are freely discussing how you feel is, possibly recreating whatever situation you may be enacting. You say she has really helped you in a crisis situation, but it appears that she is triggering a crisis, just my opinion. I stayed with my first long-term therapist for seven years and went through termination because of my fears, because he didn't know how to help me, and I ended up worse. I now work with a therapist who is helping me feel secure, not once has he threatened to leave because of how I feel. The first therapist tried to help, but with my current therapist, I feel like he understands me and knows how to respond to me in a safe manner. I hope you do look for other therapists, there is one out there who won't do this to you repeatedly. If you stay, I hope that you make sure that she knows how much she IS hurting you by how she is reacting when she tells you that maybe you need to see another therapist. Please keep us posted.
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