I'm not seeing anyone other than my family dr. I don't have the money to see anyone else, although I am in a free monthly support group, but I can't see myself bringing that up in front of who knows how many other people. It is basically intimacy issues. I find that the guys I've dated , while some of them being great guys, just want sex and I rarely do. This might be a result of my meds. I used to find myself just wanting to cuddle or be held without having the expectation of sex. A few times I'd lie and say I wasn't feeling good in order to get out of having sex but I guess most of the time I feel guilted into it. I still remember one time, I had really horrible sex with one guy (I was totally not into it at all) when we were finished, I rolled over and pretended to go to sleep and just cried. He watched tv. I can't help but think he must have known I was crying but just didn't care.
There have also been other times while having sex, I find it very uncomfortable or even painful and I rarely say anything, I just grit my teeth and hope its over soon. I have no backbone at all.
I'm starting to wonder if its painful/uncomfortable because I'm not into it and don't really want to have sex in the first place.
I'm so ****ed up.

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