(((ResaLock))),

You have been badly abused, abandoned and misunderstood, I am very sorry you have been through so much, reaching out for help and didn't get what you needed has only made it worse.

I am glad to see you are telling your story and still looking for help and the right therapist. You need to seek out a therapist that has experience in dealing with the kind of trauma that you are describing. A therapist that specializes in that area will be able to see your emotional and physical symptoms as that of a "victim of abuse" instead of a therapist who lacks experience with that and fails to actually validate and help you.

It sounds like your current therapist is a man? If you feel "uncomfortable" with him you can ask him if he can refer you to a woman therapist that specializes in "victims of abuse". Therapists tend to know about other therapists and this therapist you have now may be able to get you in to see a therapist rather then your not getting call backs when you try yourself.

You don't have to get specific with this T either, you can just say that you would rather not go into depth as you don't feel comfortable doing that with a man. A good therapist "will" understand and respect that and "help" you find a T that can fit you better.

(((Caring Hugs)))
OE