Thanks Rose76
My mother in law does cook ,but she has multiple medical problems,so cleaning is on me - she can't do it.my H is hard working .One thing I did for myself from the beginning is making sure I continued my professional carrier.I do not aim for positions but I enjoy working ,I love what I do.I am not planning to stop doing that(part time now b/o my choice to be with kids more).I have spent years to get my degree and gone through whirlpool between study/training/family and having kids,I am not quitting now.So from the side. I look like very confident professional,successful .Stopping with friends is bit problematic as you could imagine.I am trying to teach my kids independence and respect,it is hard for them being modern Americans to see some of clashes .it is not that much cultural,because my H is not that keen to old culture ,having lived in it, I think it is more due to parental control issues and selfishness,desire to tell what to do even now,desire to be praised and admired constantly.they can be great if you are attentive ,careful and "supple" with them.but God forbid they didn't like something and that would be the end of relationship.
Anyway,I don't want to abuse anyone's time here,older people don't change.I am so glad I am working .