Hey there I'm new here...I'm constantly perplexed by how my depression (which is getting terrifyingly severe) can hit me like a Mack truck even when I'm doing something positive. Yesterday I was sitting with my boyfriend watching Eddie Murphy "Raw".... Laughing so hard and genuinely, and it felt like a veil had been dropped on me. There was no thought process that took me there. It seems to be purely chemical. I came off Paxil two months ago, this could just be leftovers from that because that was extraordinarily difficult. Even if I could afford to see a doctor, drugs seem to make me worse so I don't know if that's an option anymore. I am willing to do whatever it takes to stop feeling paralyzed with despair and fear, I just don't have any money. It makes me feel so powerless, which of course makes it worse. Please, someone talk to me. I'm so scared.