My T had one of those endless conversations today - "the one that goes nowhere"

I was trying to tell him that the life that I thought that I would have - I'm not going to - due to my physical problems, mental health and the fact that my 22 year old son has pretty much cut me out of his life due to my ED. That I was OK with that but had not found anything that brought any meaning to my life. That I just pray to God to take me soon.

I'm not sure what to try,,, what steps do I take to find some meaning?

I tried church - wayyyy to much anxiety, same with small groups, knitting and such are out due to physical problems,

so what do you do??? could you please let me know?