Growing up I was severely emotionally and mentally abused by my grandfather. He would tell me at 5 years old that I was a worthless fat ***** I was stupid I would never amount to anything in my life and did so my whole life. He would tell me he hated me no man would ever want me because I was fat, I mean he would just say these horrible things to me day in and day out. I began dating my children's father at 15 and he emotionally abused me saying pretty much all the same things my grandfather would tell. Almost every man I've ever had in my life has treated me that way until I got with my fiance. He is a wonderful man, we talk about everything, we talk every night before bed, we spend time together, he tells me I'm beautiful, he believes in me, and we do everything 50/50. But I feel like he suffers the consequences for all the men who ever treated me badly. Although we have a great relationship I still over think everything and its like I just wait for him to say those things the other's have and in my mind I am 100% sure he's going to hurt me like they did. I relive the emotional abuse all the time. I feel like it is a never ending cycle and I get really depressed and seclude myself from him and everyone else in my life when it happens which is pretty much daily. It's like I'm trapped inside my own head and relive the horrible things that were said to me. I've been to therapy numerous times, I've been put on so many medications and nothing really works. I just do not know what to do to get out of this mindset