Here are the things that can cause PTSD:
The person was exposed to: death, threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or actual or threatened sexual violence, as follows: (one required)
- Direct exposure.
- Witnessing, in person.
- Indirectly, by learning that a close relative or close friend was exposed to trauma. If the event involved actual or threatened death, it must have been violent or accidental.
- Repeated or extreme indirect exposure to aversive details of the event(s), usually in the course of professional duties (e.g., first responders, collecting body parts; professionals repeatedly exposed to details of child abuse). This does not include indirect non-professional exposure through electronic media, television, movies, or pictures.
There are some other abuses and situations that can definitely lead to anxiety disorders and other mental illnesses that have some similar symptoms to PTSD. I'm sorry you are feeling stuck and haven't gotten enough help from therapy and medications.
I know they can be very hit and miss, have you ever thought of trying support groups: I found them very helpful for a while. It does sound like you are in a better place now to be in a better relationship and seeing the patterns you're acting out that hurt you. Change can take time and tons of hard work, but it sounds like you're willing and the insights you have show you can find a way through the pain you're in.