Well damn.

It's ridiculous, how long it's been since I've posted on PC. Back when I first signed up, I used to spend hours here. I guess a lot has changed since high school.

I don't know why I've been so down lately. Granted, January in Michigan is no picnic, but not even the horrible weather seems like the biggest reason for my mood. I'm just so lonely. It's especially obvious when I'm alone in my car at night, driving to or from college on Mondays, or going home from my boyfriend's house. I was with him today and we were watching television, my head against his chest. Out of nowhere I caught myself thinking about this loneliness and tears started to run down my face. I don't think he noticed at first, and if he did, didn't say much about it. My sadness is nothing new to either of us. He knows how I feel, and all he can do is try to listen and encourage me to keep going to therapy. Lately I've been making appointments to see T, but I cancel them at the last minute because I don't feel like going. I promised myself I'd call tomorrow and make one and actually go this time. Until then, I'm stuck.

The only things I'm looking forward to are the arrival of spring, and my appointment to get my first tattoo at the end of February. I'm finally tattooing over my SI scars. I'm hoping this will be a healing experience.