Oops, I lied when I told you I was doing better than I looked, it felt true at the time but now I see that was wrong. Actually I'm just as I look, overwhelmed. I really want to feel and process all the bad stuff with you in session, but I struggle with that. I need you to really listen to my words vs. reading how I look because I am very good at putting on a happy face when talking about things that actually hurt me. Listen to me, and the next time I say with a smile something like "oh, my dad forgot my birthday this year", ask a question or two about that, I know it's totally ridiculous but that's the only way I can get in touch with my emotions because otherwise I just don't want to bring it up for some reason. I really want this to work out, not only because of my attachment issue although I'm sure that's a good 90% or more, but also because rationally, it will be a huge pain to have to start over somewhere else.