I turned 43 today. I think I first started seeing symptoms of what would eventually be called bipolar disorder was around 33 years ago. I was "diagnosed" about 15 years ago. I did meds for a lot of years. It has been a constant struggle. Embrace the good times, and brace for the bad times. Because they will surely come. You have to realize when times are good to appreciate that, and try to prevent and prepare for tough times. And it's probably mostly one or the other, and rarely anything in between for very long. I know how frustrating that is. But the sweetness of good times makes the suffering worthwhile.